ex-2
9:12 p.m.<>2001-06-14

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it began with a peck on the cheek. that's the image that always springs to my mind when i think about that morning. that it began with jodie leaning over and giving mike a peck on the cheek.

it had taken me some time to overcome my anxiety and jealousy over my lover's relationship with her ex-boyfriend. i had heard of people who were able to stay close after they had split, but before jodie and mike, i hadn't met any. they had gone out for a little over a year, but they had been friends for a long time before that, so it was easy for them to make the transition from romance to friendship. when i pressed jodie for reasons for the breakup, she rolled her eyes and told me that it was the only way for her to keep loving him. otherwise, she would have killed him, he drove her so crazy.

still, i wasn't entirely comfortable with their breezy, affectionate relationship, the way they would casually touch each other on the arm and back when we hung out together. jodie made no secret of the fact that she was still attracted to mike, and i could tell that he felt the same way about her. but i chalked up my misgivings to male ego and told myself to be have an open mind about it. this was the 90s, after all.

mike quickly became a fixture in the early months of my relationship with jodie. he helped us when we moved in together, and would always drop by afterwards. sometimes, when we had all had too much to drink, he would crash on the couch when jodie and i went to bed. in the morning, we would eat breakfast and read the washington post in various stages of undress. eventually, i began seeing mike not just as jodie's ex, but as a close friend of mine.

but my new friendship with him did not entirely dispel my apprehension. images would fill my mind when i lay in bed, images of jodie and mike entwined in love. i would think of them together, and it was like a cold blade sliding around in my gut. jodie kissing mike, her fingers running down his cheek. jodie on top of mike, grunting as she rode her pleasure. mike taking jodie from behind, grabbing one of her swaying breasts in his large hand, his long, lean body straining against her. the pictures would rage obscenely through my mind and i would grit my teeth in anguish, shutting my eyes in a vain attempt to block them out. i knew that there was nothing going on and that i was being unreasonable, but there he was, licking her, stroking her, caressing her lush body...

it went on for weeks. i spent my days and nights in silent shame and repressed anger, fearing that my obsession would destroy my good relationship with jodie. and then, in the midst of my pain and guilt, it hit me. i wasn't disturbed just because i thought that jodie and mike might sleep together. part of my distress came from the realization that the thought of them sleeping together turned me on like i had never been turned on before.

and then, one morning after he had spent the night at our apartment and we were busy fixing breakfast, jodie leaned over in her loose, white, scandalously translucent nightie and gave mike a peck on the cheek...

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